We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
