why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sext me about skeletons
my god I love twenty year old dicks
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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