I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
