I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
