i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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