its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
