i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Randomize
