actually, I'm a sock model
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
