Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My dad just said "fuck circus"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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