I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My breasts were aching with rage.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
