My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
