You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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