I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
