Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I puked a lego.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
