butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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