as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
