I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
