I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
