i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
