Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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