I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
