she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize