If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
