She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
