I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize