I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
