Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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