Capitaan dildo arrescate!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
