Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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