I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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