No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
