so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
as a side note pls kill me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
