i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
