Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
