Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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