Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
