is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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