Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
