Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
