I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
