remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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