Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
