i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
