We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
