Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
