In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
