its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
