Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
