He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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