My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
