There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
