Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
