i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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