and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize