What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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