I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize