i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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