I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You did what with his pubic hair?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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