I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
