Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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