We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
