I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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