in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize