I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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