Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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