Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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