I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize